Navigating custody and co-parenting matters can be challenging even when parents have a good relationship. And things may be even more complicated when you have reason to believe that your child’s other parent may be engaging in parental alienation.
Parental alienation is a tactic that involves one parent attempting to manipulate or influence their child in a way that leads to the child rejecting or distancing themselves from the other parent. When a parent engages in parental alienation, there may be severe impacts on the child and intra-family relationships moving forward.
If you believe your child’s other parent may be engaging in parental alienation, you may have options to fight back. This article explains in detail what parental alienation is, laws about it and signs to help you identify it. It also discusses steps you may wish to take if you’re faced with parental alienation.
Parental alienation defined
Parental alienation is a type of strategy or tactic sometimes used by one parent in shared custody or co-parenting situations. The parent manipulates or influences the child in an attempt to unjustifiably and negatively impact their relationship with the other parent. The goal of parental alienation is often to damage the relationship between the child and the other parent and turn the child against that parent.
Research has shown that parental alienation exists in approximately 11 to 15 percent of divorce cases. The impact of alienation can follow a child into adulthood.
Parental alienation examples
Parental alienation may come in many forms, all aimed at undermining the child’s relationship with their other parent. While the specific actions may vary, below are some common behaviors used by alienating parents:
- Speaking badly of other parent in the presence of the child
- Regularly criticizing the other parent’s parenting abilities or portraying them in a negative light
- Restricting or interfering with the child’s communications with the other parent (for example, restricting phone calls, texts and emails)
- Canceling or disrupting scheduled visitation with the other parent without valid reasons
- Undermining the other parent’s authority by disregarding their rules, routines or disciplinary actions
- Pressuring the child to choose sides or show allegiance to them over their other parent
- Using guilt or manipulation tactics to compel the child to prioritize their relationship with the alienating parent over their relationship with the other parent
- Isolating the child from the other parent or their extended family
- Making false accusations against the other parent without credible evidence
How to spot parental alienation
Parental alienation tactics are often exhibited by one parent only in the presence of the child, while the other parent isn’t present. So identifying parental alienation can be challenging.
That said, there are some things to be aware of. One strategy is to look closely at your child’s behavior. Some possible signs your co-parent may be using parental alienation tactics include:
- Heightened levels of emotional distress, including anxiety, depression, anger, sadness or confusion after visits with their other parent
- Low self-esteem or self-blame in connection with the conflict between the parents
- Conflicting loyalties regarding their relationship with both parents
- Lashing out at one parent without provocation
- Statements or comments that appear to be rehearsed or coached by the other parent
- Academic and behavioral problems
- Physical symptoms, such as headaches, stomachaches or insomnia
The specific consequences of parental alienation on each child vary depending on the severity and duration of the alienating behaviors by the parent. If you notice these or other potential signs, you may want to consider speaking with an experienced family law attorney to discuss your options.
Parental alienation laws
No federal statute specifically addresses parental alienation. Instead, each state handles allegations of parental alienation differently.
It is uncommon for states to have specific statutes referencing or defining parental alienation. Rather, states generally address the concept of emotional or mental harm, which is a broader category that parental alienation may fall into.
Additionally, courts throughout the United States typically follow the “best interests of the child” standard in considering custody-related matters. As the name implies, this means that courts must do what is in the best interest of the child in making any legal determinations regarding the child.
Application of this doctrine varies from state to state. Still, the best interest of the child standard may be used in parental alienation disputes to show the court it should limit parent time for the parent engaging in such tactics.
How to deal with parental alienation
Parental alienation may have long-lasting impacts on you and your child. Taking action may sometimes become necessary to protect your child’s well-being and attempt to salvage a healthy co-parenting relationship moving forward.
Fortunately, a number of legal remedies may be available to help you. Some common examples include:
- Filing a petition to modify existing custody arrangements to reduce or eliminate custody rights of a parent who engages in parental alienation
- Filing a motion requesting court-ordered therapy for the child, the alienating parent or the family
- Filing a motion to enforce, asking the court to hold the alienating parent in contempt of court until the alienating actions end
- In extreme cases, filing a report with police to press criminal charges
How to win a parental alienation case in court
To best present your case for parental alienation in court, many people find the following strategies beneficial:
- Document and keep detailed records of any potential instances of parental alienation, such as statements from witnesses who observed alienating behavior
- Gather and compile emails, text messages, social media posts and other written communications that may be used as evidence to demonstrate the other parent’s alienating behaviors
- Seek professional assessment or evaluation from a qualified mental health professional who can evaluate the child’s mental and emotional state and provide an opinion on the effects of the other parent’s alienating tactics
- Continue to maintain a stable, positive and supportive co-parenting relationship to the best of your ability despite the other parent’s actions
- Consider seeking legal representation to help you navigate the process
How a lawyer may help
Parental alienation can significantly harm your relationship with your child. While communication with your co-parent may sometimes be enough to address your concerns and prevent such behavior from continuing, this isn’t always the case.
If your child’s other parent refuses to change their behavior, legal action may be necessary. Having an experienced family law attorney may be an asset. They may help you determine what legal action may be appropriate, create a comprehensive legal strategy, collect evidence to support your claims and present arguments in court on your behalf in an effort to obtain the best possible outcome for you and your child.
